This week is Asexual Awareness week, which is pretty exciting for me. I mentioned this recently in a blog post, but I identify as biromantic asexual. And the first question I usually get is, “What the heck does that mean?” So raising awareness of what asexuality is and means is super important to me!
Right then. What does asexuality mean?
Hmm, not quite.
(I’m going to talk about my asexual experience. This is most definitely not “THE” asexual experience. Your mileage may vary.)
Personally, I do not experience sexual attraction. Ever. Tried it, just to make sure, but… nah. Sex isn’t just the physical stimulation of a body part; there are a lot of emotions and sensations that go into it. I don’t think my body is “broken”, I just don’t experience the emotions and sensations that make sex with someone a thing that I am interested in doing.
My body is what it is, and that’s fine.
There are LOTS of different types of asexuality. And there are a LOT of asexuals. WE ARE EVERYWHERE.
Not all people in the asexual spectrum are just “ace”. Some are grey-ace, or demi, or a number of other words. But all of us experience a lack of sexual attraction in one way or another.
Asexuality is starting to get more attention, too. MTV.com just hosted this article on “How It Feels To Discover You’re Demisexual“:
You will want to cry. Because after searching and searching you have found a word to validate how you feel, to tell you that you are not alone, you are not broken, there is a word for people like you and it is okay.
Now, fiction-wise, there are not a lot of books with asexual characters. There are even fewer with asexual romances. Most people, it seems, still equate “love” with “sex”. And that is true for 99% of the population, but several authors have shown that you can have a loving, fulfilling relationship with no sex at all!
Of Monsters and Men, by Caitlin Ricci
My Review (3.5 stars)
Buy on Dreamspinner Press
Quick summary: Seth has a great job at the pet rescue with a fantastic boss, who happens to be a werewolf. But when it comes to relationships, no guy stays around. Eventually, they always want more than Seth, who is asexual, is able to give. Seth wants love and a relationship, but not the sex that everyone puts so much value on.
How To Be A Normal Person, by T.J. Klune
My Review (5 stars)
Buy on Dreamspinner Press
Quick Summary: Gus is not normal. And he’s fine with that. All he wants is to be left alone. Until Casey, an asexual stoner hipster and the newest employee at Lottie’s Lattes, enters his life. For some reason, Casey thinks Gus is the greatest thing ever. And maybe Gus is starting to think the same thing about Casey.
The Goodreads list for Asexual Fiction has more recommendations, but is not a comprehensive list.
With tens of millions of ace folks around the world, I’m hoping that awareness weeks like this one, and books like these, will help to make asexuality something that the rest of the world doesn’t bat an eye at. How does the saying go? We’re here, we’re queer, GET USED TO IT!
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Great post! It’s so important to show people that there is nothing wrong with them and there is no “how to be ace” standard. It’s a spectrum and people vary…
That being said, we need more well-written ace characters! And diverse well-written characters.
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Thank you! I definitely ranted about the “how to be ace” thing in a previous review, where a character was described as basically “textbook asexual”.
I would really love to read a romance with a female ace character. It seems like the only ones I’ve seen are M/M romances, or non-romance novels with ace characters. I want an F/F or M/F romance where the girl is ace!
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I think I can remember that review. Was the author ace? There is something in my mind about it…
Those strict ‘definitions’ are one of the reasons why it took me so long to understand myself. (tmi 😉 )
I haven’t read about a female ace character, but I, too, would really love that. One, who is ace ‘just because’ and not because it is trendy to have queer characters in ones book. I have the feeling it’s this case with mental illnesses right now?
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Yes, the author of that book was ace. And like I said in the review, I don’t think she intended for the scene to be read that way.
Definitions and labels can be more restrictive than helpful a lot of times, I think!
Oh yeah, there’s definitely a “trend” for mentally ill characters in books, as well as terminally ill (see also “The Fault in Our Stars”). Publishers see that one book does well, and want a dozen more JUST like it!
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